"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you." ~ Princess Diana of Wales.
I love this idea. We all know the extent to which Diana followed this principle, but for the average Joes of the world - those of us pottering around with no spotlight or critics with pens at the ready to dole out judgment on every day of our lives - it can be easy to forget about the world as a whole and focus just on our world. It can be hard to remember to strike a balance between looking after ourselves and looking out for others through any small acts of kindness that we can afford to undertake.
The thing we seem so inclined to forget in the frantic rush of our 21st century lives is that kindness can be free. It can cost us absolutely nothing but our time to stop and show kindness to somebody in need. So why don't we see kindness every day, on every corner? It's impossible to say. There are certainly those who try to do the Good Samaritan bit whenever the opportunity arises - saving leftovers from the restaurant to feed the homeless man on the corner; staying late at work to help a colleague struggling to meet a deadline; climbing heroically out of the car and running through peak hour traffic in corporate clothing (and heels?) to rescue the little puppy that has escaped from someone's garden. Random acts of kindness can range from the smallest of gestures to a much grander offering (such as paying for the tuition of a child whose family cannot afford it). But the thing about which I am always most curious is whether this kindness permeates through all aspects of the lives of those who try to show it. Do we live each day as that person - the kind person helping somebody just because we can - or do we tend to forget that side of ourselves when we are stressed over a looming deadline, obsessing over relationship woes, or have just stubbed a little toe on the corner of a table? I know I certainly don't feel particularly kind when I am dealing with taxi drivers in peak hour traffic... I am far more prone to forget myself as a thousand exasperated thoughts bombard my mind than I am to just smile and try to understand the reasons behind the driver's deplorable behaviour.
Although most of us probably hate to admit this, the average person finds it a lot easier to pass judgment on other people than to feel compassion for them. When a person does something that seems illogical or cruel, it is very easy to lash out and make sure that they know just what we think of their actions. What takes more effort (for me, at least) is to step back from my gut reaction and ask the simplest question: "why? Why would the person have behaved in that way?" Well, maybe they're feeling ill; maybe they're grieving; maybe they're worried about something; or maybe they are just a jerk. It certainly doesn't justify the behaviour but asking that question gives me the chance to ensure that my reaction to the person stems from a place of compassion rather than a knee-jerk judgment, because the only place I find those tend to lead is one of guilt and regret. Guilt because I end up exacerbating the person's already negative emotional state; regret because, had I stopped to think before reacting, I know I would have reacted differently.
When I look around at all the people with whom I interact (however briefly) in my world, I am often struck by how little I know about the nitty-gritty of their lives. Sure, I know the big news items and things that people choose to share: he is desperately awaiting a letter of offer from a company; she has a major exam coming up; they are moving to Canada next year, etc. What I don't know are the intimate little details that make up each person's life and character. I don't know why she has seemed so uncharacteristically sad and anxious this past month, or why he is suddenly arriving late every day when he was previously always the first to arrive. More importantly, if I don't bother to ask, I'll never find out that her grandmother is ill and the hospital bills are piling up, and his car was stolen so he has to catch a lift to work each day with an unreliable friend. The point is that we don't know anybody's story until we care to stop and find out, but nowadays people are less and less inclined to do so. In today's fast-paced and self-absorbed world, understanding and compassion are not commonly found. People are in too much of a hurry to feel like they have the time to stop and care about someone else's problems; they have enough of their own! The problem is, if the whole world behaves in this way, the people who have nobody to care get left behind and become a part of the tragedy of human neglect that is sweeping the world.
The all too common symbols of this neglect - the homeless, the hungry, the poor - always bring to my mind one of Gandhi's famous sayings: "Be the change you wish to see in the world." It sounds so straightforward. I want the world to be a better place, therefore I must start by being a better me... but where do we draw the line? It is so easy to get lost in trying to help others and hoping to change the world. I could spend my life giving money to those who are poor, food to those who are hungry, clothes to those who are cold, but what's to stop me from waking up one day to realise that I have no money, food or clothes left for myself? Giving with abandon is not a practical solution. I need to find ways in which I can commit random acts of kindness on a daily basis that will make the world better for somebody else without compromising myself. This is why, each day, I try to approach the people in my world with compassion whenever it is possible to do so and find ways to make a difference in their lives however I can. Although (being merely human) my instinctive judgments often happen before I can do anything to stop them, I find that if I take a step back and balance these with compassion I am able to ensure that my reaction is considered and positive rather than negative and hurtful.
The beauty of life is that every day presents a new start and an opportunity for me to try again - just for that day - to be the compassionate person instead of the judgmental one. It is easier when I think of what Scott Adams said about kindness: "Remember there is no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end." He was absolutely right. A single act of kindness can completely turn around a person's day. A few acts of kindness towards the same person can change their attitude entirely, to the point where they might be inspired to show kindness towards others. In this way the kindness can spread. The effects of kindness are plain to see if we consider the life of Princess Diana, the extent of her influence of kindness and the countless lives she touched through her daily choice of compassion over judgment. If we all chose to emulate her and make that same choice each day, just imagine the world we could create... If we all decided to commit one random act of kindness each day, perhaps we could start to spread it around and inspire others to do the same.
